I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
