I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
