My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
