Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
tell me about the eggs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
