so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
