Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
