Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This show inspires me to have sex in space
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
