i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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