Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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