Me too!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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