I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
