I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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