i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
