I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
