worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
