woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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