Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
