just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
