I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ttyl tear gas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
