I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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