he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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