her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
