well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
