P.S. I can't hear my feet
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
