3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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