ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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