I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
