so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
