Christians are straight up FREAKS
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want is dick and wine.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
