So drunk its hurt
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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