Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize