bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
