I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
