how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
