I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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