His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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