I feel great
I just peed on a car
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
