Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
