1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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