She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
