One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
