I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
