I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
