Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
