and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
