We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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