shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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