a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Are my feet made of real feet?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
