the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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