She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
