So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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