Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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