you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
