so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
