Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
