She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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