Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
