my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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