Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
