i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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