is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
