Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
