Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
