her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
